While Creating a Character...

It's always enjoyable to create a character from beginning to end....especially one that is challenging and pushes the envelope of everything in their life.  This character is very unhappy and suffers from a lack of self esteem. Completely narcissistic, he blames everyone else for his unhappiness and  spends hours searching the internet for something that will make him matter.  He studies websites and products with the prowess of a lion. Wanting to learn something different or special, he seeks validation from the knowledge he will gain and the people that may be impressed by this knowledge. 

Reading the social calendars of major party cities in the United States, he attends various functions and fundraisers that may become a forum for his new confidence.  He hopes that he will get noticed because he is simply himself and that in and of itself will be impressive to others. He studies more "things" and people of interest so that he can carry on a conversation with the rich and famous.  Because he is manipulating, he does finally get noticed, creating an interesting life and career for himself that has been greatly embellished and attracts attention.

Somewhere along the way, he slips back into his old ways of criticism and berating people because he feels "less than." It is quite obvious that although he has made some headway in moving up the social ladder, he will never gain their approval and he doesn't fit it.  More importantly, he will never gain his own approval and that is why he constantly lashes out at others.

He enjoys being contrary.  If you say "black" he says "white."  He  makes defamatory comments in public forums about public people. This is where the writing got fun for me!

I interviewed a private investigator to find out how to find the origin of the career maiming comments.  Who wrote them?  How do we trace the computer they came from?  Have they cowardly posted their comments anonymously and does that make finding them more difficult?

Once I gathered that information, I spoke with lawyers who handle cyber bullying and these interviews were even more fascinating.  I added the private investigators information to the attorneys information and I have one interesting man who could possibly be in a whole lot of trouble....or is it a woman using a man's identity?  Stay tuned to find out!



Lemonade is Sweet with a Good Attitude

Yesterday while driving home from a very full work day, the sky was grey and beginning to spit a few droplets of rain.  Friends of mine in Cape May, had the misfortune of picking the wrong three or four days for their mini vacation, and we keep meeting for meals to enjoy the lovely camaraderie and friendship, because the sunshine is nowhere to be found.  We are commiserating about the weather and wishing for the forecaster to change his tune.

Alas....he did not...but maybe...just maybe the weather did an about face on its own.  Today at breakfast amidst the French Press coffee, the chef's amazing pancakes, homemade oatmeal and the eggs benedict cooked to perfection...we will find so many things to smile and laugh about.  Enjoying the simpler things of life that truly are the meaningful ones...we will all watch as the sun peeks its beautiful head through the autumn cumulus clouds and one of us with say...."Go ahead....sunshine....come on out and make my day!"

The rest of us with laugh at the corniness of it, probably for much longer than it deserves, but totally aware of the finer things in our life....good friendship....good people and hearty smiles.

Lesson Learned

I am writing about a character who teaches but not in the traditional way.  She lives her life by how she views the world and her view is complicated to those around her; yet it is so simple to her. Others observe her with reverence without knowing why.  They just know that she carries a bright light inside of her, and when they bask in that light....they feel better....lighter somehow.  The weight of the world is no longer heavy.

Unfortunately, she views herself as a double edged sword. That is a path of such profound blessings that the euphoria is almost painful and the hurt is almost blissful. Her life is a dichotomy of yin and yang.  She cannot get to the blessings without walking through some sort of fire.  She cannot escape the burn and carries the scars as badges of where she has been.

She is viewed as intimidating and is the antithesis of that.  Her goal is simply to be understood.  She is met with closed doors on this difficult journey.  Eventually she feels trapped in that very place where all the doors have been closed to her.  She constantly looks for a door or even a window to escape.  Feeling suffocated by the constraints of  being misjudged, she never stays in one place long enough to see the tiny bright light that peeks through that very last door....in the very last room.

If only she had the strength to see that last door, she would see a heart with understanding.  Finally, something placed in HER path, to stop her in her tracks and make her stay in the room instead of running from the potential of another fire. 

Alas, the journey has exhausted her and she tires of it.  She cares not if she sees the opened door. It doesn't matter if she is understood.  She just...is.

She is a tough character to write about.  I have to take her through a lot of pain before her self discovery.  I think that is the greatest gift of pen to paper (or fingers to computer!) The observation of people and little discoveries we make along the way... make us think.  As long as we are thinking, we are present.  I have said it before....breathe deeply and taste life like the exquisite gift that it is.

Beautiful Day to Mention Crazy

Imagine three people who are connected by the paramour that divided a marriage.  The third party is one who observes them with the curiosity of a cat and the protection of a .....mother. She works covertly behind the scenes scoping out the whereabouts of the husband and wife.  It isn't long before she finds a cheating husband and a downtrodden wife.  The paramour is more wily than the sneakiest coyote and easily slips into the mix.

All are surprised when their worlds collide and fall apart. Why?  They saw it coming....they felt awareness yet ignored their instincts.  But maybe....just maybe it was their deepest instinct that called them to one another.  A man ignored by his sick wife, desperately in need of attention....a woman raising her four children alone and carrying a sickness from hell....and a stranger with such low esteem...she sacrifices all that she holds dear: marriage, family...children and most of all integrity.

Yes...it's a lovely day to mention crazy especially if it feels like home to them.

Full Circle

.....After the dust settles.....and people talk about your skills as being in the past, (for example a retired actor) there is probable reflection . "What could I have done better? Was my integrity intact as I followed my dream?"   In fact it should be on both sides, but when there is not...then the interesting facts start to emerge. Conversely what if a created character thought....he/she came between me and that job/dream/desire etc.? What if they NEVER had integrity? It happens.

Jealousy is so interesting to write about.   Many times it leads to vindictive actions and creates such a crazy character when you realize the lengths someone with go to interrupt someone's "good luck." Sometimes it's fun to add the spiritual component like a sprinkling of  red hot pepper to spice things up a bit. Either way, life isn't always sunny and wonderful..... sometimes happy endings are elusive.  The real key to happiness lies within ourselves and our reactions to that precarious thing we call life.

Instant Karma

I remember my mother and father telling me that whenever anyone is talking about you, good or bad....it means you are relevant.  Being relevant doesn't equate to famous, or important, just interesting enough to be  in conversation. When they stop talking.....the applause is gone and it's time to pass the baton....and then... sit down. This must be one heck of an exciting life if it's riddled with applause and baton passing! In this writer's opinion, keeping negative comments and criticisms in check will help keep negativity out of your life. Saying unkind things about other people, attracts negativity to them....but ultimately Karmic consequences to the person saying the negative things.  It can be instant and observable and create fascinating character flaws to keep my protagonist in complex yet interesting circles, for hours.

It's the stuff novels are made of!

Hard Work

From this...

To this!

It's never easy to make something from nothing.  The morning glories to the left were grown from seeds. I never expected them to be so fruitful and beautiful from care and attention that they got....but alas...they were.

If they did not grow, or if I over watered them, or under watered them, it didn't matter because I was TRYING.  FAILURE is not from LACK OF SUCCESS, IT'S FROM LACK OF TRYING.

Happiness is Contagious...

....and misery loves company.  When a person has time to direct criticism, judgment and antagonism toward others, you have to wonder what is missing in their lives.  We have all had people cross our paths that feel "less than" about everyone and everything in their lives, and cope by spewing negativity from the green-eyed monster that hangs on their back.  There is always going to be a richer, more handsome, more successful person in our circle.  Jealousy is a wasted emotion but provides a plethora of interesting character flaws.

Characters like this are so much fun to create.  They give you a wealth of things to explore and keep the adrenaline pumping. They provide excitement and drama that is interesting to read about as we search the filing cabinets of our brains and remember those dynamic but draining people.  Energy vampires are people that look as if they mean well...but passive aggressively stab you in the back with a smile on their faces.  They drain your energy as the vampire drains blood.  At first it is difficult to realize the manipulation because they usually come in the name of friendship, but then fascination and wonder takes over. Watching them with the excitement of a writer you must remove them from your  inner circle. The observation can continue from afar because they are intriguing and great fodder for a novel. In real life and in a novel....it is self preservation to save one's energy and expel the vampires.

Back to Work at the Ocean Club in Beautiful Cape May

With the smell of salt air and a sweet breeze blowing, I am happy to be at work.  I feel so blessed to look around and see all the beautiful orange umbrellas that signify that I have arrived. There are so many boats in the ocean that I cannot count them.  It's 4th of July weekend and the summer has begun.

All my clothes are put away.  The pups have begun to get in sync with my crazy work schedule, which is simply whenever the inspiration hits me.  They know when they see me load up my bicycle back packs that I am leaving and they get a little sad. I will be back to feed and walk them and love them....but first the words need to get onto paper....2,000 a day when I am writing.

Time to get productive!

I Can Smell the Salt Air....and the Sliders!









Beautiful Cape May

I have begun packing for my annual excursion to Cape May. With bicycle and briefcase in hand, I walk towards my car, and marvel at the pull of this sweet little ocean community...on my heartstrings.  I can already feel the sweet sticky air and smell the ocean from my seat at the Ocean Club Hotel.  I am blessed to write at the beautiful and popular Tiki Bar overlooking the ocean, where the noise of people enjoying their holidays is that which keeps me focused. I cannot wait to partake of Chef Lou's Sliders and Calamari....and the lovely energy of the owners and staff.  I am looking forward to your welcoming smiles and the productivity that follows. See you soon....





Not Point in Crying Over Spilled Milk....or Computers

This is something special about little K.J.!

Frustration was my work buddy from late Fall to a week ago.  Major computer problems plagued me the whole time....and "a technical support team" accessed it remotely 2-3 times a week from the end of Sept. through May 4th.  Each time we got a clean bill of health....because you see...we are a team. I think up the stories, but my computer allows me to get words on paper as fast as the ideas are running around in my head!

After the remote fix-ups, I would wake up ready to work....hoping to have a productive writing day.  The cursor was jumping and deleting, words, lines and sometimes whole paragraphs which the computer company blamed on my fast typing.  The mouse pad was disabled over 20 different times.  USB ports were failing as I was double, triple and 6 times backing up all my work. Long story short...I lost some "stuff."

I have to tell the truth.  I cried! A lot! I have been assured it's here somewhere but as of yet it has not betrayed it's location! I know...I talk about my computer like it's an extension of myself.  It is and I've missed my old friend and the feel of the keys as they allow my sometimes frenetic ideas to be written down. Well...you're back and welcomed like the little faithful pup in the pic above.  There is one difference because K.J.is always  "working" correctly which means constantly making little puppy mishaps....but fortunately for both he and I, his mishaps really me smile.