Like a Proud Mama...



Now the baby vines need to be encouraged to twist around the bamboo!

Yesterday it was enjoyable to encourage the tiny little morning glory vines to twist around the bamboo stakes.  They are growing leaps and bounds on a daily basis because my sliding door faces south and gets sun most of the day.  They lap up the sunshine with a smile on their little faces and push their leafy greens toward the warmth. Well....I can't disagree with you...I do get a little bit carried away with my plants....but for some reason it feels like nurturing a loved one.

It feels nice to be needed even though my seedlings don't feel the love in return....or do they?  I can only speak for my human counterparts and I can identify with my female protagonist who is frightened of change but loves it at the same time.  She is the caregiver in her family...and suddenly...she is no longer needed.  Why? Does she seek out more wounded people to care for to fulfill her needs, or does she spread her wings towards emancipation?



Room with a View

Morning Glory Sprouts aka Nico's Snack!

My pansies are completely covered in snow but  am I hoping they pop up with gusto when the white flaky stuff melts!  I would take another pic of the pine trees laden in snow, but you've seen that one before.  So suffice it to say that the little bursts of purple, periwinkle and yellow pansies bursting through the snow makes for a beautiful sight. As you can see, my morning glories are happily growing toward the light...telling me Spring is here.

As the snow melts from this early spring storm, I cannot think of anything but renewal. It's the time of year
to renew your  "healthy" contract  with yourself. For me, it's better than a New Year's resolution. This is the time when I want to get out and ride a bike or go on a long walk.  I actually want to cook for myself....in a very healthy fresh vegetable....kind of way.

It's cleansing for the body.....and cleansing for the soul. Every once in a while we have to do that to keep our minds sharp.

My quick witted paramilitary has a sharp mind but a tired soul. As a result.... he makes a big mistake and pays for it dearly. Unfortunately, because of his misjudgement others pay as well and it sets off a whole turn of events that have the potential to change history.

Blogging from the Tea Room

Today I am writing from Sally Lunn's Tea Room in Chatham, N.J.  It is fun to write from different venues for inspiration and a simple change of scenery.  The smell of tea leaves permeates the air as I wait in anticipation for those "melt in your mouth" homemade scones.  I have spent many lunches and late afternoon teas in the one in Chester and now am enjoying the other location as well. Beautiful classical music plays in the background and English jams and china decorate the shelves.  I am transported to England where I traveled with my mother to a famous tea room on the "other side." I can almost feel the dampness in the air as I take my first bite of quiche. I guess it is quite obvious that I am motivated by food! 

Sampling the world's cuisine has always taken me on a trip in my mind.  It works in a pinch...when I need an escape and have no time to travel!

Today I am writing about people who live off the land. Today...food is the farthest thing from their minds.  Today they are thinking about a code of honor, by which they live....a code so harsh that it is shocking.  It is my job to "transport" you back to this place, to this time....and make you as the reader understand their honor and why it is necessary for their survival.

With their code of honor comes consequences that shake your very soul....as they did mine...for I feel their pain as I write their story.

Revelation in the Snow



Pansies in the Snow!


In my writing yesterday, I was in a very foreign place.  It was hot with unfamiliar scents and sounds. I tried to let it wash over me, so that I could feel each moment.

Today when I woke up to the snow...I was frustrated that my newly planted pansies were covered with the powdery evidence of winter! I knew that they will survive the cold and took a moment to enjoy the beauty of such an unusual site. Similarly, I tried to experience it with  feeling...good feeling or frustration....but feeling.

Did you ever notice that there are times when you understand things better and times when nothing makes sense to you?  I think that when we need to learn a lesson, or understand something that timing is important.  We are ready to learn that lesson....when we are ready and not a moment before. That is my revelation from the hot, highly scented moment from last night's writing session.  That is my revelation from snow covered pansies. 

We feel things when we are ready.  We see things when we are ready...and there are those of us who never are ready. For the character I am creating, feeling is not a problem.  She feels too much, all the time and strives to eliminate some of it so that she can live her day to day life.  In fact....she sees things before they happen and that knowlege is making her claustrophobic.

Subtle Changes... That Hit You in the Face

From a notoriously cool culture, my protagonist seeks the love of her parents and community on a daily basis. It becomes a struggle that she will not win and it becomes clear to her at a very young age.  Leaving the "security" of the only life she has known is a choice that brings her conflict and distress...but also the love that she has sought her whole life. While hers is a grander more obvious choice taking her from constraints to freedom, we all have faced similar choices.

For her, the remnants of her past can be re-knit together  for the "fabric" of her new family. Adding bits of new pieces of colorful textured cloth to the old mix of the re-knit family, she has created a new life for herself....one frought with the difficulties of surviving the re-building process. Not everyone has her ability to forgive or to change the definition of one's life. She feels blessed to have that gift....and old hold over from her humble beginning.

She uses the pieces of new cloth to fill in the cracks in her broken heart, and evolves renewed of spirit and blissfully aware of her purpose.

My Friend Karla....of TV Time with Karla....

Yesterday my friend Karla posted something on facebook about taking a mental vacation.  Imagine a place in your head where you could go when your mind and body were weary. I'm in... aren't you? First off you can get there right away.  It's cheaper and you make it exactly what you want it to be.  If you really can accomplish this, you could re-charge your body regularly and face your day with energy. By the way, check out Karla on TVtimewithKarla@blogspot.com.  It's a fun site.

It made me think about my characters and the lives that they have lived.  During a war, there is no time to re-charge let alone sleep.  Your mind must be mentally sharp to carry out your military duties.  After the war, the wounded walk around looking bleary-eyed and disheveled. Some of them have wounds that cannot be seen...deeper wounds in the heart.  No mental vacation can fix that.  With time some of the hurt heals....but for one man...it tortures him for the rest of his life.  No amount of time, good fortune or loving family can cure what ails him.  Every day is a minute by minute flashback to a soldier's field.  Every memory haunts him and he cannot forgive himself....nor do his countrymen who have accused everyone in uniform from the moment they took to the streets....rifles in hand....and hearts united in conviction.

But Karla's idea intriqued me because sometimes writing about these characters can exhaust me because I am them....and conversely I am nothing like them! So from time to time, I have to re-charge and now it will be with a mental vacation.....so that when I come back to my words...they are fresh and clear and convey the planned message.

I Couldn't Get the Camera Fast Enough!

While writing a conversation between an angry military man and a missionary, I was deep in thought....with both eyes closed.  Just as with toddlers, when puppies are too quiet, it usually spells trouble....and it did!

I write about the dogs a lot because they are a source a constant amusement and a reminder to not take myself too seriously.  As I was pondering how a missionary who was briefly given permission to speak...would speak, Nico's nose was buried deep into a flower pot of newly planted morning glory sprouts. 

As I opened my eyes, he put his front paws on my knees and rubbed his muddy nose on my pants...but not before looking straight into my eyes and showing me a baby morning glory hanging out of the corner of his mouth.



You can almost see the mud on his whiskers and the sprout in his teeth! Guess which one is Nico!

 Now I know I am supposed to be upset and correct him....but all I could do was laugh, and try to grab the camera. Then I put him outside, cleaned up and got back to the conversation at hand grateful to know that silence is not always golden with puppies or a missionary.

Meatloaf, Mashed Potatoes and Peas

Suppose you love to eat meatloaf, mashed potatoes and peas.  You go for a check up and tell your doctor that every time you eat peas, you break out in hives... and then you find out your cholesterol is high, and you are 40 lbs. overweight.

He tells you simple advice. "Don't eat peas because you are allergic to them.  You have to lose weight and you need to avoid beef because your cholesterol is too high."  There goes your favorite meal right out the window.....for now anyway.

Change is not always permanent....is not always for the best....but it does clear your mind from clutter and worry if you attack it at face value.  Less meat is good for your heart... literally.  Peas and mashed potatoes are carbs you can really do without.  As you see the inches melt away, your body will be healthier. Learning control is also a good skill which will allow you to re-introduce these foods once you have learned how to eat them in the right portions.

Perspective....it's a beautiful thing!

What Do You Do if....

....someone disappoints you time and time again.  My thoughts are simple....just go away....without malice....without anger....but with dignity. This is one of life's small battles. Add those small grievances together and you have a war.

Did you ever wonder how a war starts?  Normally it is not on my mind, but now it is because of the subject matter for this book. Who throws the first stone and why can't the person getting hit by the stone....just not fight back?

One of the characters is a product of war....or rather he benefits from the ravages of war.  His tough exterior belies the softer inside and his loving childhood.  Be he has changed....disappointed  continually as his homeland goes through war after war.  He is torn between what he has learned as a child and what he perceives as an adult.  His spirit is broken.  This is almost more tragic than the war itself because when you put a group of people together, whose spirits have been broken, you  have extreme anger.  He is horrified that his country as a whole has split allegiance and fighting against each other.  His heart is sick.

He is disappointed time and time again. He, like many of his countrymen are mentally sick of the attacks and physically sick with exhaustion.  Constantly talking about the possibility of war has elevated its status on everyone's mind.  When it actually begins, there is mob mentality.  No one can believe he is the same little boy that rescued kittens and found homes for abandoned puppies.

If he were alone...maybe he could walk away but in a group people get caught up in defense of whatever they believe is their point of view.  Sometimes the battle, in war and in life, is not about the original issue, but just about winning the game.  It becomes a matter of "honor."  To me that is and odd point of view. Honor for what?  Is there honor in hate because someone is different?  Is there honor to be happy when someone dies? 

But the lines have been blurred.....disappoint prevails....and a spirit is broken.

Is there hope for this man or will he become just another ravage of that war?

Changes in Conversation

I am spending time watching television and movies for a purpose.  Do you have a friend who speaks with a Midwest accent?  How about someone who says "really" all the time or "ya know what I mean" hoping to get you to agree to some ridiculous theory that they are concocting.

 I wonder what they would be saying if they could talk!

Writing conversations demands the writer to be aware of  different speaking voices...as in tones, accents, habits, attitude, inflection and much much more.  I am acutely aware of this but it is challenging.  Usually a character is modeled from your experience in life. Perhaps it is someone you have met in passing who fits into your storyline some way.  You go over in your head how they spoke to you and weave in the appropriate data to fill in the conversation.  Next you edit it until you feel it is right and then send it on to your editor for more edits and then back to the conversation again...until it is ready to go. It can just flow and be right the first time...or not.  Either way, it is an interesting learning experience to examine why people say what they say....and do what they do.

Passive aggressive behavior is something that I am beginning to understand as of late because of one of my characters need to "zing" people with backhanded complements or using excuses to not follow through with their promises to friends.  It takes the recipients awhile to realize the true meaning of these actions....and when she discovers the truth...her eyes are opened. The most interesting fact is that sometimes....she chooses to close them again...because she hates to see the bad in anyone.

Exotic Spices, Avon and Thought Provoking Words

As I sat down to enjoy turkey meatballs in a tomato sauce laced with cinnamon, cumin and coriander....the doorbell rang.  My three puppies barked the shrill bark of the 101 dalmations barking chain, to announce that I had a visitor at the front door.  No one ever knocks on my front door during the day because if I am inside...I am writing, and they do not want to interrupt me.  Today's interruption was very welcomed.

I opened the door to find my Avon Lady, brochures in hand.  We are old friends....(old not referring to age but rather the length of friendship!) so I invited her to share some coffee and exotic food with me.  Intermixed with the puppies kisses to her and the conversation, she revealed something to me about my last blog.

I talked about cleaning one's closet....or cleaning out the junk in our brain that "rents space." (Thank you to my friend Becky for that expression!) It got her thinking about things that she had not thought about before.

Bingo....that my friends was the reason for her visit...other than I love her and she was at the Website Launch party and wanted to say she had a wonderful time! It is never tiring to here that your words have touched a person in some way.  Whether my words make you think, make you happy, make you sad or angry or even crazy...they have made your something. I would like that my words take you on the best trip of your life where you make rich discoveries about the world and yourself at the same time....and you are changed some way because of them.  Then I have done my job...which I need to get back to right now.

More editing today....all day.  See you next time.

Cleaning House Today....Literally and Figuratively

When you embark on the tedious job of cleaning out your closet you are faced with decisions.  What do you want to keep and what do you want to get rid of? For me it is tough.  I am always going to lose ten pounds and saving the smaller clothes until later.  The problem is.... am I committed to the weight loss?  Do I really like the clothes or am I just putting it off until I can face the decision? So many times....later never comes.

This may seem simplistic but it's like life. Some of the toughest decisions we have to make are those that we put off indefinitely until finally...we are faced with a choice that we cannot avoid. Literally refers to the horrible job of physically cleaning out something.  Figuratively....means cleaning out your mind or your heart of "stuff "that shouldn't be there. There is junk in our head that is simply wasting our precious time.

Here's how I look at life.  Let's just say for arguments sake, we have 100 energy units a day.  You are the one who chooses how to use them.  For me it is a big waste of time to continue to use them in the same way every day.  How many times can you clean your closet without really giving away the clothes? Let's apply this to behavior now. Figuratively, how many times can you look at the same person who treats people disrespectfully and say...it's okay? You cannot. At some point you have to move on.

Human nature is a funny thing. Many people are naturally forgiving and continue to forgive even through the worst of circumstances.  But one day they wake up and realize that being disrespected chips away at your self esteem and uses a lot of energy units to process.

I am beginning a project about a person who watches this behavior toward someone that he knows very well. It is so easy for him to see the missteps of a person showing passive aggressive behavior toward anyone who achieves more than she does. She rears the ugly green of jealousy more often than she realizes. He tries to speak to her, gently at first, and then with more intent because he hopes that her behavior in unintentional.  But alas, he learns that she is conniving and manipulative and....yes her intent is too hurt.

Disappointed and after careful consideration, he pulls away from her negativity and watches her from away. People in her path fall by the wayside....one by one with broken hearts.

Essentially, he has decided to "clean his closet."  He removes her from his head by pushing thoughts of their friendship away whenever she comes to mind.  Eventually....thoughts of her fade away....and he can now remove her from his heart.

 In my mind's eye I see him standing on a cliff by a beach...and symbolically dropping a stone into the water.  He watches its descent and breathes deeply.  A memory of her flashes through his brain and he shakes it away, like an unwelcome cobweb.  He has been grieving for what could have been...perhaps love.....but now he simply has let go. 

"It's done," he speaks to the wind and turns and walks back to the weatherworn house of his childhood. He feels the ocean breeze on his back and hears a whisper in the wind. Turning quickly, he is sure that is her voice.

Her breathy voice echoes in his brain.  "Good-bye my friend....good-bye."

Anyone Who Knows Me....

My 13 yr. old Golden Retriever Buddy

Anyone who knows me, knows that I adore animals but especially dogs. Last night I took all four of them to the vet for their check up.  They got their shots and were examined.  I had been talking about Buddy to her for some time about his collapsing and inability to walk. He was constantly monitored because he had tumors on his body but it was never anything to worry about....until now.  It was obvious his body shape had changed and the last time he collapsed was in my driveway when I tried to help him up he yelped.

My vet noticed the spot on his side and touched it.  It was a large hard mass.  Poor baby.  He goes to the vet regularly....but this thing just grew quickly.  I refused further testing because he won't even take a pill for his thyroid disease.  He has had shots and pills since he was 6 weeks old.  His body was riddled with allergies and skin diseases.  Buddy had a dermatologist! And now my friends....Buddy just will not take any more meds.  He made the decision, and I respected it and stopped his meds about 8 months ago.

I wish I could take a picture of him walking around my house with the three cock a poo puppies hanging on his ears or mouth.  He is a gentle giant with such a sweet heart and I think his will to live is very strong.

His hips are failing but every night he waits for me to give him a little push up two flights of stairs.  Once in a while he puts his front paws on my bed and I lift up his back and he sleeps the day away on my temperpedic. He purrs like a kitten when his big body lands in the cushy foam mattress...then he settles in for a good long sleep. Sometimes I cuddle him and hold his paw.  His big brown cataract covered eyes look at me with love.

For now Buddy is still happy and reasonable well.  I know what to watch for and I have been prepared how to handle his situation.  It's simple. I just want to love him the same way I always have.  What he's given me is not something I could put into words.  Suffice it to say that he has taught me patience and unconditional love and for that I will always be grateful.