Fun and Challenging Day

Filming and talking describes my day today. We will film my rumba for the website and late talk about the short film possibilities for one of my stories. It's an exciting challenging time and I am trying to savor every single moment.

Back in the Mountains

So today I am back in the mountains of a beautiful country where the snow capped pines are getting heavy from the weight of the snow.  The crisp clean air smells fresh and the tranquility is addicting.  But I did not sleep well last night as there was one child moaning softly through the night.  Although we are learning to communicate through hand signals and language lessons that I get from the Monks....there is something so heavy on his heart that no words need to be spoken.  It is easy to feel his pain if your heart is compassionate.

But...the really question is....how can I help this small boy know that he is safe now and that he is protected?  Will he ever live without the fear?  More importantly, what is my place in his healing...assuming his will to live surpasses the agony in his heart.

Work....work....work

What a beautiful day.  It's still cold out but the sun is shining. It's the perfect day to write. After some weekly errands I will come back to the mountains where it is still very snow capped and the wind whispers through the pines.  The floors are cold to the touch, even through my warm boots. My mattress is hard and smells of farm animals.  I am in a place where the  cries of children missing their mommies....echoes in my head.

Website Launch Party....

I feel so blessed to have such wonderful friends who gathered together for my website launch party.  It was a different kind of celebration combined with very interesting wonderful friends to equal the most touching night of my life.  I am indebted to all the people who helped me that night. Thank you to Mary Wallis who did my make-up (Marykwallis.com) and  Emily Gonzales who styled my hair. You made me feel wonderful! Also kudos to Michael Dempsey Photography (dempseyphotography.com) who created so many beautiful memories for me to keep, and Peter Ferriero (Peterferrierofilms.com) who will be sharing his vision of the night with me.....in a few days.  I can hardly wait! Thanks to Phil Kraft for always lending a hand! You guys are the best.

It was such a warm and loving evening and I will be forever grateful for the memories.

This was truly a happy evening for me.





My website was projected onto my walls for everyone to see. Thank you to Tara Green, my very talented website designer.



Toasting my wonderful friends....for their love....and kindness.

Website Launch Photos....

Just got my website launch photos in the mail.  Looked at them a moment ago...and I will share them in a few days.  So excited.....

A Moment in Time



"Is winter ever going to end?"

 Try to think of one moment in time.... one of life's simpler moments...for example...standing in line at the grocery store. Your arms are filled because you only came in for paper towels...but you realized you needed a few more items.  You get behind a man with two carts full and you are praying that he will take pity on you and let you go in front of them.  Lo and behold...he actually does that random act of kindness, and you breath a sigh of relief because your biggest worry is that you'll get home a few minutes late.

As you are thanking them, you begin to chat. It feels nice because today...you had a really trying day. The man really wants to talk to you for some reason.  After two or three sentences, he pulls out a picture of his daughter and tells you...."I can finally talk about her...she was hit by a car and killed 4 years ago. Isn't she beautiful?"

It is so difficult to hear him speak those words because pain enunciates every syllable. You close your eyes for a moment, touch the man's arm and say " I am so sorry for your loss." These are totally inadequate words but you don't know what else to say.

"Thank you.  I guess you were placed in my path for a reason today.  Thanks for listening to me. That's all I needed." As he turned to walk away, he paused and smiled a small smile of resignation...shook his head and headed out the door.

And....I thought my day was bad.  Actually, I think he had it backwards.  He was placed in my path for a reason.

I get asked all the time..."where do you get your ideas from?"  A version of this scenario happened to me today.  I fictionalized parts of it....but the subject matter of the conversation is true.  Life is bountiful....pay attention.  Sometimes what you may hear is tough, but perspective is a beautiful thing.

When Hate Makes you Forget about the Love

There is probably one person in all of our lives that we loved very deeply....and something happened that exposed their inhumanity. A person can do a thousand good deeds and one very despicable one can tip the scale to the bad....maybe even to the unforgiveable.  While forgiveness is a wonderful thing to do....the feeling that remains is one of mistrust and if the event is bad enough...look out for a delayed reaction...a post traumatic stress kind of response.

There is a long journey ahead for the children I am writing about today.  They were overexposed to the sordid way of life where life had no meaning and violence was a way of life. They live in a country that has been invaded more than it has been free.  I cried with them today....for the lost of their mothers and fathers, for the lost of their childhood....and for the loss of their innocence.  I grieve with them....for I immerse myself so totally in their lives that I feel as if I breathe the same air. I smell the gunfire and watch them struggle with their makeshift artificial limbs.  And I watch, strangers cradle them in their arms telling them...."everything will get better," when the truth is...these giving outsiders know that they will never again be whole.

Past Lives....Do You Believe?

Just some photos to let you know that winter is not behind us completely.  It is only February and we can expect more snow sometime...although I am tired of the ice...I adore the snow.  If you get a knock on your door in the middle of a snowstorm...don't be alarmed...it's me wanting to go for a walk!

So....the subject at hand....past lives.  Deja' vu...have you every had the feeling that you have been somewhere before, or met someone before?  What about history?  Do you have a strong feeling about a place that you have visited that is significant in history...wherever it may be in the world? Most people shrug their shoulders and call it deja' vu....the feeling that one has experienced the current situation. There are others whose experience has translated into their present lifetime in some way.

Those people have experiences that I find fascinating.  Did you know that some psychiatrists believe that mental illness or depression can be the result of a past life in which the person experienced something horrific.  It is their contention that is was carried with them to their present lifetime and remains unresolved. Past life regressionists take them back to that lifetime (I have no idea how this is done) and they try to identify the event which remains deeply embedded in their souls. Of course the opposing group of psychiatrists find the whole topic... rubbish.

Exploring this in a story line is enticing.  I used to have a Great Pyrenees puppy named Emma.  I bought her to soothe the broken heart of my mother because my brother and father died ten months a part.  She was  legally blind and I thought a very large dog would not get in her way.  Not only did she not get in my mother's way...but she was an angel for my mother.  She had a quirky sense of humor like my father.  An electronic fence was put in the yard so Emma could just run outside without being walked.  This breed is very independent and can be runners. The only thing that could get her back in the house is to tell her that cottage cheese was waiting for her.  When she heard the words, "Emma you have cottage cheese in your bowl." she would run in leaps and bounds inside the house and push her face into her food at full force. Moments later she would present herself to Mom with little curds all over here black nose.  Then she would rub her face on my mom to transfer the mess and as if to say...."I'm the one in control here!"

She was in control....with a funny sense of humor.. and a puppy who made us all laugh and think of the man who has just left us....my father.  Ultimately, my friend Jo took Emmie because Mom's limited vision went from bad to worse.  Periodically she noticed Emmie looking up into heaven and starring.  She would become very quiet and still. Mentioning my father's name, Emma became agitated and jumpy. Hmmm.....I wonder if....

Well....I certainly do not have the answers....but I do have a lot of questions.

Life...Do you really live yours....or do you live it VICARIOUSLY?

If you've been following my blogs....you know that I am always taking about living life with passion!  I believe it is important to feel everything....even the times that try our very souls. When I create a character, I obviously draw from everything around me.  I am the person that walks into a room and observes....everything and everyone.  From that information, I create ficticious scenarios.  Periodically, I have asked a person if what I have perceived about a situation is correct.  This is where the crazy creative side takes ahold of me.  Creative license allows me to "make-up" everything about the person and the situation. 

It has been my experience that there are many people in this world who stand on the sidelines and live life by watching others.  Fear has absorbed them so totally, that they simply back away with excuses.  These excuses prevent them from doing what they really dream of doing.  They surround themselves with people who are living their dreams wholeheartedly. The outcome of this vicarious life is, in my opinion....completely unfulfilling.  They have some of the enjoyment.... with none of the hard work or feeling of achievement.

What we do with our lives is our responsibility regardless of where we came from or  who loves us.  If we come from a difficult background without the love of friends and family, grabbing hold of our dreams is more illusive because we may never have been taught to reach for the stars.  Without that "pat on the shoulder" once in awhile letting us know that we did a good job....it takes longer to build self-esteem.  That nurturing helps greatly, but if you have never had it...then build your own team of nurturers.

Jump into life and "pray to find your parachute on the way down."  Surround yourself with loving people who see the good in you and believe in you. This gives you the permission you need to let go of your fear.

I know a woman who had big dreams.  I know her so well because, I created her for one of my novels. She grew up without love or nurturing but somehow managed to keep her dreams.  The problem is that she never quite got the "right or wrong" memo and ending up making it big...because of the millions of dollars she made from an illegal activity that hurt a lot of people.  Half of her dream remained intact while the other half took her down the path of destruction.  It was easier for her to emulate the negative people in her life because she observed them with lots of money and lots of influence....until it all ended.  For this woman, it ended badly.  She lived her life vicariously with an alliance to evil.  It took her all the way to......let's just say...it didn't take her anywhere you would want to be....ever.

Before and After....

This is the before photo of me studying my excerpts of manuscripts that I released for the very first time at my website launch party...and the after photo posing for pics to commenorate the moment. I am humbled by the attendance and the love that I felt in the room...and am blessed by each and every one of you.  It is my hope that you enjoyed reading my work....as much as I loved writing it. 

Stay tuned for more information regarding the documentary from Peter Ferriero Films. Peter has asked me to be the subject of a documentary film following my journey as a writer. What an honor!

More to come about the novel too!

The Big Day!

It's finally here...all the planning...all the writing and editing is done for my website.  I am having a launch party this evening to celebrate the "birth".  Exciting announcements are in store!

Thank you to Tara Green my website designer (http://www.authorwebdesignsbytara.com/) for all your hard work and my colleague Sharon Naylor (http://www.sharonnaylor.net/)  for your belief in my writing.  I am humbled by your support.