With Visions of Sugarplums......

Baby Brynn on her first trip outside to see the breeder!

Many years ago I was the Sugarplum Fairy in the Nutcracker Suite.  It was a magical time that filled my heart with pure and utter joy.  I was excited to put on a tutu, get exotic stage make-up and do some challenging lifts.  I can remember the feeling that I had.  Do you remember seeing a Christmas tree for the first time?  What about walking on the beach after a long cold winter?  Maybe it's the first time you ate a chocolate brownie while walking in the snow!  If you have never tried that...it is amazing.  The flavor of the chocolate is intensified by the cold air and the resulting feeling is europhic....to chocolaholics like me! It was one of the most incredible moments of my life....coming in second to the  time I danced the tango on the beaches of Morocco.  You can read about that on my website!

My newest happy moment came with this picture.  What a precious moment.  Brynn looks like a little baby cuddling her mama. I am very content to stay present in the moments of Christmas.  During this important holiday season, I choose to see the delight in a child's eye rather than listen to the complaints about the long lines and short tempered customers in the mall!

I think this time of year should remind us to love deeply, live strong, and dance like no one is watching. The truth is I do the last one many times a day, and the trick is to do all of it throughout the entire year. While you love deeply, and live strong and dance your heart out....don't forget to extend your hand to someone in need.  That's the real spirit of Christmas, and worth keeping alive in your heart the whole year long.



New Traditions

Preview of my new website photos

As I looked for my traditional Christmas cookie recipes, I was frustrated.  They were either in one of two places.....my bookshelf in the kitchen or my garage.  I couldn't find them and truthfully, I was upset.  Even though my children do not like anisette, I continued to make Grandma's anisette and chocolate chip cookies every year....because that's what I do...keep tradition.  Saying that, I really love change but the nagging little monkey on my shoulder was telling me Christmas wasn't going to be the same without those cookies.

Last year's batch of cookies!

Along with change, I like laughing.....especially at myself.  I'll find the recipes next year....but for now I started a new tradition.....new cookies at Christmas.  Change and laughter.....a delicious recipe for a joyous Christmas!

Serendipity

I always loved the word serendipity.  It is fun to say...fun to spell and it's definition is exciting.  Now you have to remember that I am a word junkie....these things are that which fuels my writing.

Accidental discovery.....blessing.....I don't know about you, but I love accidental discoveries and blessings.  I have experienced an abundance of them this past week. It made me wonder how it can affect one's life. Could it make a person do something unexpected and out of character? Could it change the course of your life? The words of Sarah Palin on the campaign trail, come to mind right now..."you betcha" it can change your life.

You have heard me talk about paying attention to the details of life so that you don't miss what is really important. Paying attention to an accidental discovery or blessing can be anything from a simple wake-up call.... that you only have one life and it's wise to live it fully.....to the fact that your life's journey needs to change and today is the day to do it. Taking chances to better your life with a new attitude and outlook will feel liberating.  It's like a woman with very long hair making the decision to cut her hair after 20 years.  She cannot believe how free she feels and how liberated she is from the daily rituals of taking care of that hair! I almost hear her sighing...."I should have done that years ago!"

I will be writing full time again in a few weeks and I think about my protagonists as part of my family.  I know they are in the mountains of Europe in a damp Monastery in the company of silent Monks. I know that they are missing their birth families back in Pennsylvania.  I know that with  Christmas coming, Hannah with her Amish heritage, is very mindful of her blessings. Anthony...a Muslim/Catholic from a mixed marriage is introspectful.....always wondering what his father would do in any given situation. He too is very aware of his blessings.....the most powerful blessing in his life lays next to him now....his Habibti....waking up and stretching like a cat....purring softly as she realizes her husband is watching her.

As is usual for them, she whispers in his ear...."Behebek habibi....Ich liebe dich."...their own special Arabic German declaration of eternal, undying love.

Brynn Sophia Who Tugs at My Heart

Grammy (that would be me) gets to babysit the newest addition to our family: little Brynn Sophia the English Bulldog.  My daughter adores this breed and asked for a little girl puppy for Christmas.  Her Dad and I agreed....with one stipulation... that I babysit for 1 week while she takes her first exams in lawschool.  Being proud of her, and loving animals....I was on board.

Let me tell you about her gourmet meals.  She eats pure pumpkin, mixed with whole milk plain yogurt and two different kinds of kibble. My daughter picked Brynn.....or rather Brynn picked her....and it turns out she is going to be bred because she is such a perfect specimen of a bulldog.  My daughter has her during gestation and then we get 1 puppy.  The breeders, Ultimate Bulldogs, in New Milford, NJ, have integrity and breed healthy bulldogs and care for them like their own children with love and respect for the breed. Anyone who buys a dog from a breeder should look for these qualities.  So technically the puppy has this very high class name....ULTIMATE BRYNN SOPHIA!

And....she is everything ultimate. ...the ultimate crowd pleaser...the ultimate Christmas gift for my daughter, the ultimate Granddog for me....and the ultimate puppy to tug at everyone's heart!

Introducing Ultimate Brynn Sophia:

Juliet, Juliet....Where for Art Thou?

Bella on her first professional shoot!

On the railroad tracks for professional photos

The answer to that question is.....on the kitchen island....knocking my new camera onto the floor!  I am not sure why  it was on the floor, but Juliet climbed onto the countertop...and the camera  fell onto the floor.  You do the math!

So until my camera is fixed (it's being evaluated now!) or exchanged...pictures on my blog will be few and far between. Oops...good news....just found my daughters camera and until mine is fixed I have a camera to use for the blog!

Here a few of my new professional photos for my website. I am giving it a facelift with updated photos. I am getting back to writing after my collision with a deer tick, and as you already know...the deer tick lost the fight.

It's this time of year that I am transported to a beautiful monastery in the side of the mountain. I am in my character's head...or she is in mine.  My view is spectacular and the smell of sweet clean winter air is almost intoxicating.  I think about what my protagonist is thinking as she ponders her future in this remote wonderland...knowing that looks can be deceiving.  She... and those she protects....are safe for the moment....but for how long? The truth is....she will never be able to save them from themselves.  It just isn't in her power. 

Stayed tuned for more details about what's happening with this story.  Finishing it will be my joy!

Lindsay 1.....Deer Tick 0

This has been an interesting couple of weeks! Who would have thought that a tiny little deer tick could stop me in my tracks!  October 13th two of my puppies, Juliet and Bella began licking my left cheek upward.  I kept pushing them away...but they were insistent and refused to stop.  Finally, I just let them do it.  Two days later, I woke up with facial paralysis on the left side of my face. I wondered....did they know?

For the next few weeks, until the paralysis left, they continued this behavior....while laying next to me at all times.  I was blessed with good doctors, the right combination of meds, and early diagnosis, and angels in the form of puppies.  I was bitten by a deer tick carrying a neurological strain of lyme...based on extensive bloodwork, which nerves were paralyzed and a doctor's extraordinary knowlege.

Facial paralysis is devastating: I couldn't smile, speak or swallow...but with early intervention the symptoms began to disipate in about 5 days.  Now they are completely gone. 

Angels were everywhere....a nurse in the hospital, in my puppies, in my friends....and in all the well wishers that send me healing and prayers. Thank you for reminding me....during this very special time of year....how truly blessed I am.

In Loving Memory

 My blog is used to keep you all updated on my writing...but today I want to pay tribute to three furry friends who changed the lives of those around then.

Petey was an aloof shih tzu that was nick named "Mr. Grumpy Pants."  He preferred to cuddle next to his big brother Buddy more than anything in the world....and he spent most of his time grooming Buddy....especially because Buddy had horrible allergies and many itchy spots.

Romeo belonged to a friend of mine, but briefly was my daughter's puppy.  He was a very sick puppy, and that unfortunately was a glimpse into his very dim and short future.  He died as a young puppy, the product of overbreeding.  He was delightfully stubborn and had a happy spirit despite being sick most of his life. When he left this world, he broke many hearts.

Buddy was my Golden Retriever that spent his life getting allergy shots and pills and did it all with a smile...if dogs can smile. He had

a big loving heart, and every new dog that I brought into the house, he embraced with love, and cared for them like a loving parent. My favorite memory about Buddy was the way he would lay in the middle of the room, surrounded by puppies biting his ears, slapping him in the face with their sloppy puppy paws....and just look up as if you say...."Oh it's only you guys...ok have fun. I love you all."

Life is quite simple to navigate if you have a "Buddy" attitude.  Love deeply and let yourself be loved in return.  As I have said many times....life is a big wonderful playground....pay attention.  There is a lot to love around you.  Embrace it...adopt a dog!

The Nico Series- The Portulaca Caper

Here are my two "monkeys"



Bella on the left joined in on the fun.

It was a beautiful sunny day with cool breezes on my deck.  Having a few errands to run, I allowed the puppies to play outside.  When I came home, a few hours later I was shocked to see a 24" flower pot emptied of it's dirt and stones....and about 15 portulaca plants. The roots of my morning glory plant....which was lush and beautiful....were completely obliterated.

Nico....the ringleader has eaten bits of portulaca before.  But this was ridiculous.  I couldn't tell who ate what....but I knew the plants were eaten because they weren't on the deck.  I knew the dirt was eaten and to my surprise....some of the stones were eaten.

Immediately I called the poison control center from animals.  Portulaca eaten in this amount can cause crystals in the kidney and ultimately kidney failure.  I found a vet who could see them right away and they were given hydrogen peroxide to induce vomiting. Unfortunately, by this time, a lot of junk had gotten into their system.  Blood tests followed to get a baseline on their kidney function. They spent the night in the hospital while being checked in the middle of the night.

Bottom line....all is well...but it was scary.  In order for the dogs to get to this flower pot they had to jump onto a chaise, up to a bar stool, up to a very high table and a leap across to the flower pot.  They are not dogs....they are monkeys. As of this moment, they are all enrolled in reform school.

With Wings to Fly

It's that time of year when older children are getting ready for college or graduate school.  I've got one in each. My daughter looked at me today as she was packing for her new apartment and law school.  She had joy in her eyes and excitement in her heart.  It emulated from every cell in her body as she said....
"Mom, this is it....I'm moving out and I won't be coming back!" 

This thing is...she meant no malice.  She didn't mean to cause what felt like a blow to my stomach as the reality hit me.  The truth is she was born with one foot out the door....the same as her mother....and she was only doing what she had learned to do!

 I gave her a small set of wings on the day she was born and prayed that she would always use them wisely.  As she grew, the wings grew with her.  Most of the time I was able to guide her to use them carefully, explaining that they were the greatest gift of love that a mother can give her child.  And it took courage to give them....just as it took courage to use them.

Tomorrow she is flying away.  Her wings have grown now and will carry her through life's beautiful journey with a deep abiding love...and a greater respect for the beautiful human being that she is. 

My protagonist was not so lucky.  She was never given wings to fly, but in the midst of repression and anonymity, she somehow found them and flew into the arms of the most unsuspecting recipient. Together, their wings took them to places few are lucky enough to see. Together, they changed history...just how the history in my life is changing today.

The Traveling Bag

It's been awhile since I've written because I have been traveling. During this time, the people that I met on this trip were amazing.  We all connected on so many levels that there were many tearful good-byes as each person bid adieu. One of the guests brought down her extra daily necessities....like toothpaste, powder and shampoo. She put it in a shopping bag and offered it to my friend and I before she left.  We had just run out of toothpaste and were leaving in 2 days...so we thought why not. 

Two days later we added to the goodies and passed it to another guest.  She needed body lotion for she only had 3 more days of vacation, and that's one of the things we had just added to the bag.

It was interesting because none of us wanted to leave.  In fact, a few extended their vacations by a couple of days...Rather than the uncomfortable thought of saying good-bye to new friends, we kept ourselves alive with the "Adventures of the Traveling Necessity Bag."



Getting Back to Work

 To date, I do not know where the bag is....or who has possession of it.  But it is comforting to know that when someone looks into it, they see a bit of each of us.

Stay tuned...a lot happening.

Cannot Wait!

Atlantic City Competition After Party

It's been a couple of months since I danced because I am taking some time to rehab some old  injuries that reared their ugly head.  Good news is, I have this amazing physical therapist, Alex...who is going to start allowing me to do my exercises in my chunky practice heels.  Now what that means to me is simple....my strengthened muscles will now re-learn how to "fire" wearing the torturous foot covering required to rumba your way into a judges heart.....or an audience's heart.

Now I say torturous because wearing heels is tough enough....and then you add crazy dance steps and flips and splits just to make sure you really have your balance.  I was starting to see my balance was off from a knee injury....I have been their almost 4 months and joke that I might become  a "lifer" because it real has helped me completely turn things around.

The process reminds me of this....You are a small child and your mother makes you hold her hand to cross the street.  At a certain age, she teaches you how to do it safely and watches you.  Then you are old enough to do it with your friends...or teeth clenched...ALONE.  In the middle of all this, as the child you might not want to let go of your mother's hand....at first because you're afraid you can't do it alone. 

But you can do it alone...strength is yours...embrace it...learn from it...and get those darn muscles firing again!

As always, I try to relate my blog to how I make my characters.  I am better.  I feel wonderful.  At the end of the day, my life is great.  At the end of the war in my story....another war begins...the war of living with the circumstances that my children were dealt with being born during or even after the war.  They pay the price of the sins of their fathers, and grandfathers.....and on and on....

When Faced with the Enemy....Eat Em.... Nico Does!

While taking the dogs for an evening walk tonight, I noticed the sky was lit with the tiny sparkle of hundreds of lightning bugs!  I felt anxious knowing that Nico was at the end of one of the leashes....and his curiousity was getting the better of him.  At first his bushy head was swinging back and forth like a pendulum.  And then...it became a game.  How many lightning bugs can you eat in one night?

The air was thick with the bugs tonight, perhaps because of the humidity.  They were a force to be reckoned with, even for this human who was spitting them out of her mouth, and batting them out of her face.

I wondered something.  Could we apply Nico's reasoning to war?  The bugs became the enemy tonight.  They made it impossible for them to stroll happily.  They flew into their tiny little eyes and made it hard to see.  So when confronted with the enemy of the moment....Nico made a quick decision.  HE ATE THEM! Complete obliteration at the hands of a rambunctious cockapoo named Nico.

Nico doesn't have the power of reason, as my characters do...but sometimes his actions make more sense than theirs does.  But war isn't rational and either are paramilitaries.

Would You Walk Down This Path....what mystery is there?

This is a beautiful photo taken amidst some lovely pine trees.  It was mid afternoon and the sun lit the branches beautifully. Beyond these branches lies a mysterious path.  There is dirt and thick tree roots under my feet.  I closed my eyes for a moment and imagined that it was evening and I had to use other senses than my sight, to find my way. It was difficult because the path was sloping downward.  I peeked through my closed eyes to see a fence and a field of grass beyond.  A breeze tossed the ends of my hair across my back...and then it happened.  I felt fear.  I was alone....or was I?

When I turned around in the direction I had just walked from, I expected to see a neighbor or a cat scurrying away.  But alas...it was none of that.  Just my vivid imagination carrying me away.

Imagine this scenario, but add a very rocky ground in the mountains and a tiny well traveled footpath. Now picture yourself carrying your critically injured child in your arms.  You do not know the path.  You do not know the extent of the injuries and you are not sure where to get help. Try to feel your emotions vividly. What is my protagonist doing while this is happening?

That explains why I was walking in the pine trees and that lovely summer day.  As a writer, I read all the time.  I am expanding my borders by reading something that is scary, and I don't like to be scared at all! But it helps me see how people react when their senses are pushed to work with clarity that could possibly save their lives.













I'm Not Involved with His Nonsense....The Nico Series Part II

Innocent Bella...relaxing in the grass!

 As Juliet and her brother Nico wreak havoc in my world, Bella relaxes quietly....wondering how she ended up with two mischievous siblings. I have to take credit for that because I love the pitter patter of little puppy feet...and the smell of hot puppy breath as they kiss my face.  There is just something wonderful about it!

Last week, I put the dogs in the car to go to doggie daycare....yes doggie daycare.  They have so much energy, and there are not enough hours in the day to run them....so they go to run off their energy and have play time with other dogs. This leaves me peace and quiet to write.

My first morning cup of coffee was in the cup holder in the car.  For some reason, Nico was afraid to jump over the console and kept backing up out of the car.  I encouraged him to go back in....and he did so with gusto....with his big fat paw pushing through the plastic lid of my coffee container.  Coffee splattered everywhere.  Bella and Juliet jumped on the spilled coffee as Nico caught his balance.  Smelling his favorite (but not allowed) treat, he dipped his paw back into the coffee and proceeded to lick it like an ice cream cone.

Thank God, I have paper towels in the car and was able to soak it up quickly preventing them from drinking every drop of the forbidden nectar. It does no good to threaten reform school...do they make reform school for wayward dogs? It does no good to put them in their crate when they are naughty...because they cry so pitifully...I let them out.

They have me wrapped around their chubby little paws. I call them my "little clowns" because they are a constant source of amusement and delight and keep their mom smiling every moment.

I wish...the children of war....in my story...could have a day with Nico.  It would be a pleasure to see their little smiles after detailing their suffering...their truth....their little lives ravaged by stupidity.

Part I - Nico and His Friends

Well behaved and listening!

It had been a long day already and it was only 10 AM. Wearily putting my head on the back of the den couch, my eyes started to close. BAM....something fell in the kitchen. That's never good in a house with 3 puppies.  Juliet, the youngest dog climbed onto the step stool and then onto the bar stool and then took a leisurely walk on my countertop. I came in just in time to see her run off the countertop and onto the floor. But in the meantime, she had taken her paw and batted my schedule planner off the countertop.

I asked her, "Juliet, were you naughty?" She heard the word naughty and my harsher tone and ran under the couch. On this day she had a bit more speed in her step.  Little did I know....

Her first cousin, and fellow cohort in crime, Nico had his furry head buried in my planner and used both paws to spread the  pages apart as he caught a glimpse of me coming around the corner. Nico is a paper lover.  Nico is a paper eater.  If he has paper in his mouth and I catch him and try to grab it from his mouth...he chews quickly and swallows! Yuck!

He quickly ripped up a whole weeks worth of plans...chewed it and swallowed  it right before my eyes.

I chased him....by the way...not good with this puppy.  He thinks it's a game.

And then I looked at my book.  A weeks work of appointments...gone in a swallow.  My mind went crazy trying to decide what numbers I needed to dial to re-do my schedule.  I starting making the phone calls and fifteen minutes later...there were Nico and Juliet....laying in the den huddled close together...on their backs....snoring. A long day....indeed!





Nico as a puppy....so innocent and calm!



I Love Nature but....

Hiding behind the planters is my fluffy squirrel friend.  He scampered away when I came outside.  Nico was uncharacteristically quiet around him!

I know that I go overboard writing about my dogs...because I love them so much...but today I had too much animal joy on my hands.  Leaving the back door a few inches ajar, allows a lovely cross breeze.  Today was one of those days.  As I was cooking dinner, out of the corner of my eye, I saw something fluffy try to get into my house.

A squirrel tried to stick his head inside to say hello to Mrs. Doolittle!  I closed the door just in time as my dog Bella realized we had company.  A stand off ensued, with their two little heads eye to eye and nothing but glass between them.  Bella began to bark loudly, and off went our uninvited guest.

My female protagonist faces a few difficult stand offs in her life.  One is cultural and one becomes a fight for her life. One can only hope that when we face challenges, and are face to face with our enemy there is a glass door between us.  For my character....luck is not on her side.

Re-writing History

I know that it is tempting to re-write our own histories to make them picture perfect and always happy.  The truth is if we do that we cannot legitimately acknowlege what is good in our lives and what we want to weed out. Most people never weed and continue the same behavior for decades putting off self examination because it is painful...another subject I have addressed before.

My characters (the children) wish they could re-write their lives with the absence of war. But those are the parameters of their short lives...and they were dealt a certain hand. How you juggle the cards is the rest of your life.

Grounded to the Earth

Feeling part of a community....grounding yourself to that which you are part of....it's all part of the human experience.  Take it away and you are cast adrift....floating aimlessly around an island where you are the sole inhabitant. We all have something that makes us feel grounded and part of a bigger picture. That is why my characters immerse themselves in a fight that can hopefully change the bigger picture...for the better. The end result is not always what is expected.  Stay tuned to find out.



Mr. Roger's Neighborhood

Do you ever just want to jump off that merry-go-round I spoke about yesterday?  I've talked about this before.  Some days things just go forward at warp speed and the people around you react negatively to their own discomfort.

I get it.  I totally understand.  So do my characters.  There are lovely moments in their lives where serenity is paramount, but unfortunately for them, a war zone is not the ideal place for them to fill their hearts with peace....assuming that is what they want.  Anybody who places themselves in the middle of war better be prepared for the fallout.

Jumping off the merry-go-round could be dangerous.  Watch out for the broken bone trail of the people who jumped before you.

The Promise of Tomorrow



Nico and Juliet pose for the camera....and the promised treat!

Isn't it amazing how the promise of something special can make you smile. Could Nico be smiling with the promise of a treat? I like to think so!  It is how I got them to pose so perfectly in front of my flowers.

Life is challenging and scary and wonderful and difficult at any given moment.  When you have a goal that you are about to achieve, or a person who enriches your life, to talk to...it's like the brass ring on the merry-go-round.  It makes life shiny and circular and promises continuance. There is something to look forward to...the promise of a tomorrow.

Today is here now. Go to sleep tonight with the promise of tomorrow and welcome it with the warm embrace of....maybe....what if....and I can make it happen.



Or Not.....

I spoke about my protagonist and how writing about her and the children she protects....helps me to understand forgiveness.  But the truth is...it helped me learn about what it takes NOT TO FORGIVE, also.
Some of the people that pass through our lives are meant to do just that....pass through.

A lesson may be learned...OR NOT!
A friendship may be made....OR NOT!
A heart may be broken or begin the process of mending!
An unforgiveable act may be forgiven or etched into the heart of its victim for eternity.

If I am to consider the good, as a writer, I must consider the bad...."the good, the bad, and the ugly."

When Things Take a Turn for .....



The colors of my life!

 My protagonist sees things like this first photograph... with rose colored glasses, that is until she enters a war zone.  The day she took  them off is the day that her heart stopped.




Here are the seedlings again!

The children in my story are like the seedlings in the pots...small, puny and unloved.  But with human touch, kind words and food prepared with love, some of them begin to heal.  A few struggle grabbing on to that which they have come to know.  They hold on to the darkness that they have come to call "home," wondering if any light will shine in their lives.



My how we have grown!



Those children who thrive are like the thick and healthy morning glory in the third picture.  Hearty blooms and strong stems make them fit for the elements of rain and wind. Just like the children who need a strong constitution to survive the after effects of war.

We get a lot of surprises in life. Do you run and hide and shake with fear? Or do you let it wash over you and become stronger? My fictional children do a little of both, but I am proud of all of them for they have filled my heart with a better understanding of what it really means to forgive.

The Pitter Patter of Little Feet with a Butterfly and a Bluejay



Imagine that butterfly landing here!



I am in place with my storyline where my emotions are running high.  Pulled around a snowy mountain with my two protagonists, where intrigue is the word of the day....I am exhausted from the running.  The children are getting used to living with danger, but their caregivers never vasillate from their decision to protect them at all costs.  There are fires in the distance and the sounds of gunfire...is commonplace. No one understands why it continues....the fighting is over....isn't it?

But it's what the children talk about that has grabbed and broken my heart at the same time. It's intense...
so sometimes when I write, I look out onto my garden to just "go away" for a moment.  Today a yellow and black butterfly  landed on a bright pink flower.  I ran to grab my camera....but the moment was fleeting.  From inside, I heard one of my dogs scratching and groaning.  I heard the slow movements of an old dog getting up and walking away.

I could have sworn it was my Buddy....my golden who passed away a few months ago.  I walked inside....and saw my 3 puppies blissfully sleeping and I wondered. Was the butterfly a sign from Buddy, letting me know that he was still with me?  Perhaps...It feels nice to hope for that.

And then.....a blue jay landed on my deck, looked right at me and picked up a small piece of dog food in his mouth before he flew away. Maybe Buddy was hungry in heaven and the blue jay was bringing him take-out!

My point is....and yes there is a point...that even in the midst of the heartache that I am writing about, there is joy around us. The children in my story are so good at teaching me to see it!  It is a wonderful gift when you open your eyes....throw a little fairy dust and believe!

Noah's Ark

Everyone is so tired of the rain and complaining about the weather. When I look at this picture I am grateful for the rain.  Flowers are blooming like crazy and it gives me something beautiful to look at...unlike my protagonist who is still on a mountain top where all that grows is the dark green moss that makes things slippery. I smell clean rain here, but she must endure the dank, damp smell of mold and the constant chill in the air that seems to predict things to come. Always on edge.....she waits....wondering....will it be today?

A Little Slice of Paradise

Today is a cleaning day....garage and garden!  It's always good to be ruthless when you clean.  Throw out junk, give away that which you can no longer use...but can be used, and weed your garden.  We all know that "weeding the garden" is the literal work to keep our flowers healthy.  But...weeding our garden also refers to surrounding yourself with that which gives you peace, and weeding out that which gives you a headache!

Flowers make me smile.  Dogs make me smile... so I have them around me!  I have wonderful friends that are invited into my life. Hmmm but my protagonist is locked in a place where she cannot choose who is in her circle, for she has a mission and  her work is not done.

When it is done....the world with know....with monumental repercussions.

Sometimes I say..." Writing is like having a baby!"

One of the babies!

Two other babies who just got caught on the furniture!

Sometimes when I finish a chapter, or a book or a synopsis I feel the same fatique I felt, after delivering one of my children. This flower in the picture took less effort, but a lot of love to grow from seeds.  I delight in every new sprout as I delight in my puppies naughty behavior!

As I give someone blue eyes and mousy brown hair or a bad attitude with a great job, I delight in the piece of life I have created knowing once more....and I repeat...."Real life doesn't always have happy endings!"

And So It Goes....

Turning a corner in your life takes courage.  It's funny, but I think that I learn things from the characters I write about.  I wonder about the process of creating them and which comes first....my idea about a person....or the characteristic that I give to them? When they do something heroic, I cheer for them.  When something sad happens, I cry with them.  When they make a bad decision, I want to have a long conversation with them....and ask them why?

It is always good to keep learning...especially about yourself.

The Plan

Do you have a plan in life or do you wing everything allowing things to unfold and unwind naturally? 

When my protagonists end up in a war ravaged country they begin to wonder why they made this choice.  As circumstances reveal themselves, it is evident that specific planning would have been beneficial....but virtually impossible.  Nothing they experience is predictable.  Nothing goes the way they expect, and nothing they have learned in life can prepare them for what they see....for what they hear.  What was predictable, was the way that they react to the sadness around them...for that one thing had been the same their entire life.  They are the same people in life as they are in the aftermath of tragedy.

Not a Cozy Cottage....but an Oneida Nation Resort...

The best laid plans of mice and men....I planned on a cozy cottage and ended up at an Oneida Nation Resort/Casino.  Except for the smoking in the casinos that you must walk through to get to the restaurants....this place is poetic.  Quiet and peaceful, this resort gives tribute to the Native Americans of Verona, NY at every opportunity.  Hand carved wooden chairs and gas fireplaces dot the landscape to give the feel of the outside in every corner of the resort.  Gas fireplaces, while not natural, allow the ambience to continue even in the worst of weather and when they are lit, it feels peaceful.

Sitting on my balcony overlooking a man made pond, the sound of the birds singing...is almost too much sweet music.  With the trees budding more each day, they have come to enjoy the renewal of life along with their cousins, the butterflies.  It truly is beautiful to witness the re-birth of nature each spring. Here I sit in the middle of it...writing.

There is lots of greenery because there is a golf course here....and the required gym, spa and restaurants.  But I prefer to find a quiet spot with a handcarved wooden chair and my computer and go to work.

Today I am telling the story of another child of war who has seen too much tragedy in too few years. I hope that if your heart breaks from the sorrow of it....your spirit will be renewed....like that of my children who survive...like the spring that I am watching unfold in front of me....for it is a story that cannot go untold.

For the Love of Animals....

I am so grateful for all the messages about my sweet golden retriever Buddy.  So many have commented and sent me well wishes through emails from my website and facebook. I am deeply appreciative. It's the unconditional love that strikes that sensitive cord in all of us.  The love that is waiting for us when we arrive home from a tough day at work.  The cuddling that asks for nothing in return except more of the same. 

Our animals just ask to be fed and watered and for that they become our lifelong best friends. Maybe they would like a tickle on the ears or a pat on the back....but even without that....they will love us.  If only we humans could be so....let me think....so humane! 

I am truly blessed by the many pets that have crossed my path.  My memories take me back to the little girl riding her bicycle in search of strays.  Stuffing them into her overhauls (is that the correct spelling?!?) and taking them home to her unsuspecting parents, she would beg for the life of these animals.  No animal shelter was good enough for these newly captured babies.  Only she had a heart big enough for the likes of an Irish Setter mix who had been so badly beaten, he cowered at a loving touch. She named him Bentley Peter.  Only she knew how to care for the the little grey mut that took an instant dislike to her father.  That little boy was Napolean Jean Baptiste. Only she knew the right words to make her parents say yes to the new motley crew of pack animals.



Bella with her baby sister Juliet ages 3 1/2 and 1 1/2.   Bella is just getting over missing Buddy.

 However she was at a loss for words when the town called to say that there were too many dog licenses being issued to her address, and a kennel license was in order! That little girl was me...and I haven't stop collecting dogs or being lucky enough to be their owners. I am the one blessed by their love and honored by their loving presence in my life.

More on my lovely location and my writing in my next blog....writing it today!

Cozy Cottage.....

I found a beautiful cottage in NY state where I am going to immerse myself in my work....lovingly...happily...and totally.  I feel hopeful and unlimited and the need for adventure!

Good-bye Sweet Buddy




Heads together in play!





Still handsome in his old age.

So here is my Buddy! He passed away on March 22, 2011.  What a delightful loving dog he was. Sick from the age of six weeks, he plowed through life with the grace of a champion.  He took so much medicine and got so many shots, he became afraid of my touch, at which point, I took him off of all of it. He went to a doggy dermatologist for his awful skin problems.  He scratched daily to the point of bleeding...but his heart was strong and so sweet.  He loved people, animals and his baby brother and sisters that kept joining the pack.

At any given time you could see him on his back with the puppies hanging on his lip or ears or lying on top of him.  He never minded.  He had such a gentle heart.  My mother lived next door and when she was sick, he would pull me over to her front door and sat at the bottom of her chair every single day to keep her company.  They both loved the company.

 About six weeks before he died the vet diagnosed him with cancer.  He had many fatty tumors and the vet checked each one because golden retrievers get cancer a lot.  Everyone was negative until the last one that grew in his belly.  It was odd because Bella my 4 yr. old cockapoo, would not leave his side for the past six months....and I wondered... was Bella doing what Buddy had done for my mother? Then his belly got so big.... so suddenly.... that we took that fateful trip to the vet.

The day he died was like everyone before them. He went outside after eating and walked back in the house...and then his back legs collapsed and he looked a me with panic in his eyes....and I knew.

Lymphoma.... His brother Petey died of this 2 years before. Romeo the English Bulldog died from this at 22 mos. and now our Buddy. This particular cancer caused tumors to bleed... but I got him to the vet before any pain.  At least I pray that I did. He died peacefully in my arms.

When I arrived home, Bella smelled him on my pants and grabbed onto them and cried...for about an hour.  She was depressed for 2 weeks but came out of it because she loves to play with her brother and sister.

Dogs enrich your life so much...and when they die, a little piece of your heart goes with them.

I love you Buddy and I hope you're having the time of your life with Petey, Romeo, Beethoven, Sasha, Natasha, Katia, Brownie, Duchess Nutmeg, Napolean, Bentley Peter, Brandy Alexander, and all your other friends. 



 I had a talk with Nico, Buddy...and he's having trouble taking over your duties as man of the house.  If you have anything to teach him....if you can reach him...I would appreciate the help!  He can't seem to get that quiet grace thing like you had....he's more like the goofy jokester.

We miss you...and will always love you....you touched our hearts and brought us love each and every moment you were with us.

Good-bye dear friend.



























The man of the house looks after his brother and sister!





Ever patient with the influx of new puppies, Buddy let them chew on his ears or lip or whatever!



He loved to play and eat snow!



His brother Petey pre-deceased him by two years.  We brought them home on the same day.



Anonymous

 I often wonder about the children of war that I am writing about. The tragedy or triumph of the human spirit is a source of wonderment.  Obviously the tragedy part is tougher to write or think about but it is a fact.  Why is it that when some people are exposed to horrific circumstances, they manage to cope.  Others more than cope, they thrive. Some of them break apart like pieces of lifeless grey cement and disintegrate into the earth. The world is untouched by their lives and they become anonymous...forever....just the way they felt.

The Merry Go Round



Can you believe the wonder of nature?

                                     Did you ever feel like the world is spinning too fast and you want to jump off?  Probably we all do, but few of us actually take a break and slow down. The strong  woman that is my protagonist uses her choice of a bold, new life to get off her merry go round and seek something new.  It is a courageous choice with life altering consequences.  Not only does she see the changes...but so does the world!

How Do You Define Yourself?

My protagonist defines herself based on how people feel about her.  She is culturally handcuffed and spiritually deadlocked.  Her view of the world is colored...dark... dismal... overprotected... black. She cannot break out until she is motivated enough to turn her back on all that she knows.

It must have been gut wrenching for her to make that decision. I think about my characters as if they are my children.....but not in a motherly protective kind of way because that is not my job.  My job is to portray them honestly...as they truly are. Perhaps they are badly behaved or make bad decisions or disappoint you...or worse.  They have to be believable and real.  I have to see them for who they really are even if I am lucky enough to create their personalities.

The truth is, once she breaks free from her ties, she is able to embrace all that she already believes that she is...good and bad.

No Expiration Date!

 Life doesn't have an expiration date.  We are all living longer and playing harder.  With a longer life we are exposed to more sadness and bad news with our changing world. It is getting more difficult to ignore all that bad news and be positive.  As I have said many times....real life doesn't always have happy endings....but it does have a conclusion for each cirucumstance. Sometimes we hear things only when we are ready.  And...sometimes hearing that piece of information is that which opens our eyes!

My point is that we don't know much about how our life will play out... but we know a lot about ourselves and how we react to things. I know that if I am sad....my heart will ache.  If I am happy I will wear a smile that starts from my heart.  If I am angry or frustrated I try to expel that awful feeling from my heart.

My protagonist is a woman who takes advantage of life and lives it to the fullest.  She makes choices that hurt her but enrich her simultaneously.  Simply said...if you have never been sad how do you know if you are happy?  If you have never been happy....how do you measure your sadness?  If you have never felt anger or frustration you will never experience forgiveness.

She is an admirable woman, who is blessed by the love of an honorable man. In her world, the chances of her finding this man was slim to none...but she did.  And...therefore she lives her life differently than if she had never stumbled upon him. Life can change in a blink of an eye.  So buck up, be prepared and live it to the fullest, like my protagonist.  There is no expiration date stamped on your life.






Bella before haircut!

Nico before haircut!

Juliet before haircut!



After haircut!